On a recent trip out, I was watching my daughter tackle a balance beam in a playground. With grim determination, she swayed and wobbled her way along, constantly shifting her bodyweight to avoid unceremoniously plummeting to the ground. I waited, entranced, for the inevitable. But she made it to the end and beamed at the well-deserved applause.
As I watched her battling to keep her balance, I began to daydream. I confess that it’s something I’m prone to do when I’m “keeping an eye on” the children but they’re in no immediate, life-threatening danger. I marvelled at how kids garner such enjoyment from trying to maintain physical balance but, as an adult, seeking a balanced life is an endless source of torment. Usually in relation to achieving a healthy work-life balance, we moan and struggle and moan some more. Sometimes, we even do something about it! Hooray! But wait… new problems always arise.
If I were being provocative, I might suggest that achieving a balanced life is impossible. But is trying to find it futile?
Let’s be realistic: there’ll always be some smug git who’ll gleefully inform you that they’ve got it sussed. They’ve found the perfect work-life balance. Maybe they’re even telling the truth, or at least believe they are. But I’m confident they’re in the minority. Why? Because life itself isn’t conducive to balance.
Balance, by definition, suggests an equilibrium. No facet outweighs another. Our lives simply don’t allow for that stability because they’re in a constant state of flux. We constantly have obstacles thrown at us, both internal and external. Our priorities shift as new circumstances arise and our experiences and learning shape our perspectives. There’s a constant need for us to adjust our “bodyweight” to avoid falling. And, all-too-often, the ground either side isn’t that soft, spongy stuff but cold, hard concrete.
Amidst all this turmoil, would it not be hubris to expect we could achieve balance?
When we’re struggling for stability, feelings of inadequacy are often just around the corner. They bubble to the surface when things are going wrong, and we find ourselves either overworking or procrastinating. But when this occurs, we should ask ourselves: inadequate compared to what or whom?
If we’re comparing our work-life balance against some notion of societal expectations, then we’re doing ourselves a disservice. Often those who struggle the most are quickest to lambast others, and “society” is little more than a fictitious construct of normalised practices and opinions.
What about comparing ourselves to others? Although this is something I’m guilty of, I know that it’s not just pointless but also laden with misery. Everyone’s lives and priorities and circumstances are different, and we’re comparing our inner truths against mirages—distorted facades of reality. Even if they wanted to, nobody could tell you exactly what goes on in their heads and hearts. And, even if they could, what good would it do to know?
The only comparisons that have any validity, therefore, are against our own expectations and achievements. But these, too, are fickle beasts, and prone to negative distortion. I doubt I’m the only one who obsesses for months or even years over silly mistakes, or perceived missed work opportunities, but struggles to acknowledge small successes. It’s important to question where our self-expectations arise from, and if they are, indeed, our own.
I left my part-time day job around nine months ago to pursue video game writing full-time. Well, I say full-time, but it’s nothing of the sort. I’ve been fortunate that, so far, I’ve had a reasonable amount of paid work. But, much to my surprise, it insisted on coming in great tidal waves. A couple of months ago, I was inundated. I worked long days, sometimes every day of the week. My work-life balance went out of the window. Now, the opposite has occurred, and I’m scrabbling around trying to find the motivation to work on my own projects given I currently have plenty of time to do so.
Even for those who aren’t living the notoriously unpredictable life of the freelancer, however, maintaining a good work-life balance isn’t easy. Working full-time, one’s work-life balance is naturally skewed very much in favour of the work side. When the evenings and weekends roll around, therefore, the pressure is on to make the most out of the limited time available. This in turn can lead to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy, and the cycle deepens.
And so, faced with life’s curveballs and nagging insecurities, is it futile to seek balance? I would say no. But in my opinion attaining it, at least for any significant length of time, is. A good work-life balance isn’t a destination which we can reach and then sit back, content that we’ve nailed it. Instead, I believe we should strive for balance, keeping it in our minds, and listening to the internal voice that tells us when we’re in danger of falling. Because, deep down, we know when we’re not content; when we’re perilously off-balance. The difficulty will always be working out why.